Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Vote 'Yahu, Vote B-Net

At the risk of falling off the narrow, two-state path I so dearly tread, I advise you all to vote Benjamin Netanyahu for Prime Minister of Israel. There are plentiful reasons to crawl along this radical, illogical line. For instance, the parents of Tzipi Livni were strongly involved in Irgun, a Zionist movement that aimed to overcome the British occupancy that marred the East Mediterranean until that fateful day in 1948 when Israel won its nationhood at the expense of a few million Palestinians and their respective livelihoods. A country that wishes to subsist peacefully in the Middle East cannot bear such bloodlines in its highest office, but that is just one reason to vote Netanyahu.
The thing with B-Net (which ironically sounds a little similar to B'Tselem) is that he can appeal to many tastes. If you have a problem with the Israeli military incursions into neighbouring countries, your favourite 'Yahu has something to offer. He successfully alienated the Clinton clan in 1998 when he pointedly met with Silly Billy's foes, including one Newt Gringrich. Now that President Obama has whipped out a master stroke and appointed Silly Hilly as Secretary of State, one can be reasonably sure that the unquestioned financial and military favours will not continue. Vote B-Net, vote peace.
Perhaps most importantly, the world currently possesses one prominent, quotable Head of State, "Uncle" Hugo Chavez. A vote for 'Yahu will give the press another mirthful opportunity. The ongoing preparations for the United States and Iran to shoot breeze at one another will surely light a fire under a man such as B-Net. And you know what that means? More gems, such as "It’s 1938, and Iran is Germany and Iran is racing to arm itself with atomic bombs." In a reverse scenario, the speaker would be jailed for anti-semitism or forced to recant by the Pope but no, 'Yahu's just a yahoo, so we can look forward to more controversial hilarity if B-Net becomes President.

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